


Nothing Like You

by momentsintimex



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-30 00:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16275560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentsintimex/pseuds/momentsintimex
Summary: “I don’t know why you’re so against going,” Chris says quietly, breaking Lara Jean out of her trance. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you this happy. You just seem so… so settled. With Peter. Like he makes you so happy and I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to spend all the time with him that you can, especially on the infamous ski trip.”Lara Jean opens her mouth to argue, to say that she doesn’t feel like that, she’s not the happiest she’s been with Peter in her life now.But it’d be a lie. Because she is happy with him in her life, and even though this is all fake and will be over when they’re back from the ski trip, she wishes it wouldn’t be. Because somewhere in the tangled web of this entire mess they had started at the beginning of the school year, she began falling for Peter Kavinsky.--Peter and Lara Jean fake date to make Gen and Josh jealous, but end up falling in love along the way.





	Nothing Like You

**Author's Note:**

> title of fic from Nothing Like You by Dave Barnes.
> 
> this is a fic that spun WILDLY out of control the last few days after reading the books/watching the movie more than a few times :) so enjoy over 9k of Peter and Lara Jean being bad at the whole fake dating thing! hope you like it!
> 
> thank you for reading :)

Lara Jean doesn't know when this all started feeling comfortable.

When laying on her sofa with Peter didn’t feel like it was this big thing, this big charade that they were doing just to make Gen and Josh jealous. She doesn’t know when she suddenly felt comfortable curling up against Peter while they watched another movie, doesn’t know when she stopped feeling like this was just some big production that was going to end in a few months when Gen finally confessed that she wanted to get back with Peter.

Peter always came over on Fridays after school. It was Kitty’s idea at first — she had insisted that he come spend time with them — but eventually she stopped asking him and he just continued coming. Sometimes they would go to parties, other days they would stay and have dinner with Dr. Covey and Kitty and then watch a movie in the living room together before Peter went home.

He never talked about Gen those nights, but sometimes Lara Jean would see him looking at his phone and sending a few quick texts and she always assumed it was Gen, begging for him back or something.

"You know I never stopped talking to her, Covey,” Peter smirked when he smiled at Gen in the hallway one day, but Lara Jean only nodded and sighed, feeling Peter pull her closer as they walked towards the cafeteria.

She thinks a lot about the day they agreed to do this. On the picnic bench overlooking the football field, where she made some regrettable references to old movies and Peter teased her, but where the contract was born. They fought about the no kissing rule (Lara Jean won, compromised with letting Peter put his hand in her back pocket and Peter didn’t have the energy to refute), but both agreed that they would never tell anyone the truth about how fake this all was.

Sometimes, when Lara Jean let herself think about how great this whole thing was and how Peter had been more than great about the whole agreement, she lets herself think about what would happen if this was all real. If they were dating and this wasn’t some big charade just for Peter to win Gen back.

She has a hard time believing Peter could like her that way. That Peter could wake up in the morning and send her a good morning text, pick her up for school and hold her hand as they walk through the halls, kissing her before she walks into homeroom. That one day this whole contract and fake relationship won’t just end, and the two of them will just go back to smiling at each other in the hallways as if nothing had ever happened.

“You know, when Kitty said you liked watching _Golden Girls_ reruns, I thought that meant you would watch it with me,” Peter smiles, pulling Lara Jean from her trance as he nudges her shoulder. “What’s going on with you? Did Gen say something to you?” He asks, sitting up a little more as his eyebrows knit together in concern.

Lara Jean shifts against the cushions, shaking her head. “No, it’s fine. She hasn’t said anything, actually,” She replies softly, crossing her arms over her chest. “I mean, she does glare at me every once in a while, but Chris usually says something and she just walks away.”

Peter smiles at that, reaching forward for the bowl of popcorn. “Then what’s wrong? You seem — do you not want me here? Like you kind of seem like you want to be alone.”

Lara Jean sighs, shoving her own hand into the bowl now resting on his lap. “I just… what are we doing here?” She asks, but it comes off more rude than anything else. “No one is even home for us to have to keep this up. I know you probably have some party to be at tonight or whatever, you don’t have to stay in and watch _Golden Girls_ with me.”

Peter stares at her for a moment, dumbfounded. She’s not _wrong_ , he was invited by some of the guys on the lacrosse team to a house party. But he knew Lara Jean didn’t love going out and he figured he’d been asking for a lot, so staying in wasn’t the worst option.

Until it was.

“If you want me to go, I will,” Peter says quickly, sitting up and setting the popcorn back down on the coffee table. He stands up abruptly, ignoring the fact that Lara Jean looks like she’s going to say something. “But did you ever think that maybe I like spending time with you? That I don’t need to go to every party I’m invited to because staying home with you is just as nice?”

“I —“ Lara Jean begins, but nothing else comes out and before she can even form an argument Peter is mumbling a goodnight and walking out the front door, leaving her standing in the entryway as if he’s just going to walk back in.

She cleans up the empty soda cans and the bowls of popcorn while _Golden Girls_ plays in the background, but she can't shake the overwhelming feeling that she could’ve gone through that conversation a whole lot better than she did.

—

Peter’s phone pings in the cupholder the entire drive back to his house. He feels stupid for getting his hopes up that it’s Lara Jean apologizing, but when he pulls into his driveway and sees it’s his friends asking if they’re coming to the party tonight he sends back a quick no and exits out of the conversation without reading their replies.

The kitchen lights are dimmed when he walks in, setting his keys and wallet down on the counter as he moves to get himself something to drink. He spent most of the ride home trying to think of something to text Lara Jean, something to say to ease the tension that had evidently come between them, but then he remembers that she’s the one that questioned everything and there isn’t really anything he can say to smooth things over.

“You’re home early,” His mom walks into the kitchen, apologizing quietly when she realizes that she scared him. “I thought you’d be at Lara Jean’s for a while.”

Peter takes a sip of his drink, shrugging. “We kind of had a fight?” He says quietly, but he’s kind of hoping she sees that he really doesn’t want to talk about it and she just says goodnight and goes back to bed.

But she walks in, taking a seat at the island as she looks at him. “I think that’s pretty normal, sweetheart. Fighting with your girlfriend,” She says quietly, as if it makes it any better. “Maybe you two just need the night to sleep on things, you can talk in the morning and figure it all out.”

Peter nods, putting his glass into the dishwasher as he sighs. There’s a lot he should say, and his mom has always been someone more than willing to listen. They grew closer after his dad left, Peter growing more comfortable with telling her things that he would’ve never said before.

“I just don’t understand how she doesn’t realize that I like spending all this time with her,” He blurts out when his mom reaches forward to fix the flowers in the vase, the silence between them growing uncomfortable. “Sometimes I feel like she thinks we need to go to parties every weekend or that I’d rather be hanging out in some big group instead of just being with her watching movies.”

“This is something you need to tell her, honey,” His mom says softly, but it’s so generic that Peter almost wishes he didn’t say anything at all this time. “You two come from different social circles. She wasn’t much of a party kid before you guys got together, was she?” Peter shakes his head, tapping his fingers against the counter. “I think she’s just afraid that maybe you’re staying in because you’re afraid it’s what she wants to do. Talk to her about it, work through it. Compromise with her.”

“I just don’t want this to be what ruins us,” He mumbles, staring at the marbling of their countertop until it blurs. He doesn’t notice his mom standing up until she rests her hands on his shoulders, massaging gently.

“You really like this girl, don’t you?” She asks, but he can hear the smile in her voice and he knows he doesn’t really need to answer that.

He’s also not entirely sure he wants to admit that those super fake feelings he started out with on the track at the beginning of the school year had turned into some not-so fake feelings for Lara Jean Song-Covey, despite none of this being even close to real.

“You’ll figure it out, sweetheart. I’m sure of it,” His mom assures him, pressing a kiss to his messy hair. “Get some sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

He sits in the kitchen until his mom’s bedroom door clicks and he can hear her TV turn on, shutting all the lights off and making his way to his room.

He types out three texts to Lara Jean, but deletes them all and falls asleep with hopes that his mom is right about them figuring it out in the morning.

—

Lara Jean sends a text to Peter far too early in the morning to meet her at the Corner Cafe, and so he begrudgingly gets up and throws on a sweatshirt and some jeans, making his way to the cafe the two of them first talked in.

She’s sitting at the table in the middle of the room twirling her straw in her orange juice when he notices her, the bell above the door ringing. She looks up as he sits down, smiling at him as Joan comes to take his order.

“I’m sorry I texted you so early,” She blurts out once Joan leaves, leaning forward to take a sip of her orange juice. It’s pretty obvious he’s exhausted, he doesn’t think it needs to be said, but he smiles anyway and shakes his head.

“’s fine, Covey,” He says quietly, but his voice is still thick with sleep as Joan sets his own orange juice in front of him. “Must be pretty important if you wanted me out of bed before 10 on the weekend.”

Lara Jean smiles at that, pulling the sleeves of her sweatshirt down around her hands. “I just… I wanted to apologize. For last night,” She says quietly, staring down at the old linoleum tabletop. “I didn’t mean to say that I didn’t want you there. It’s nice having you there, you know. I just figured that you probably had some parties or something and instead you were sitting in with me, and I felt like I was holding you back.”

Peter smiles, shaking his head. “Lara Jean, I know parties aren’t your thing. Just because I wrote them in the contract doesn’t mean we have to go to every single one. Staying in was nice for a change,” He assures her, but Lara Jean just nods and doesn’t say anything as Joan sets their breakfasts in front of them.

Peter looks back at Lara Jean for a moment, the oversized sweatshirt almost swallowing her whole. He always thought she managed to look effortlessly cute. The way her hair always seemed to lay perfectly and she always looked put together no matter what time it was almost made this whole fake dating thing impossible for him.

Because he really _can’t_ catch feelings for her. This is all just to get Gen back. To make her so jealous that she’ll want to be with him again.

He’s not even sure he wants that anymore.

“If you don’t want to hang out with just me, I won’t be mad if you go to parties without me,” Lara Jean says when she’s halfway through her pancakes, as if there hadn’t been a lull in the conversation. “You could always just tell them I’m sick or something. I know that doesn’t really help making Gen jealous and it also goes against the contract, but in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly the party kind of girl.”

Peter laughs at that, nodding as he shovels another bite of his omelet in to his mouth. “Fair enough,” He agrees, taking a sip of his orange juice. “But just for the record, I really did have a good time last night. It was nice to just do nothing for once.”

Lara Jean smirks at that, but the look on Peter’s face tells her he’s being genuine about actually having a good time. “Then we can do it again sometime. And I won’t ruin it,” She laughs.

Peter laughs along with her, and she tries to block out the fact that she’s falling in love with the boy she’s fake dating.

—

The contract strictly states that they aren’t kissing each other, no matter how suspicious people get.

Peter had immediately tried to refute that rule, that it wouldn’t be believable to anyone if he couldn’t touch her, but she stands firm with the rule because she wants to experience all of this with the first person she truly loves.

School is a little tricky, but Peter mostly walks around school with his hand in her back pocket or around her shoulders, and if anyone is suspicious they don’t say anything. They walk to and from class together, Peter always squeezes her shoulder goodbye, and his friends are too buys teasing the two of them to notice that they don’t kiss.

Peter doesn’t like to admit it, but Lara Jean was right about this. People don’t notice that they’re not kissing, and judging by everyone’s reactions, they definitely believe that they’re really together.

Especially Gen, who’s spends most of her time passing them in the hallway sending glares at them that Peter knows is an attempt to be rude. He doesn’t really get why she’s so annoyed — she’s moved onto some college boyfriend that she talks loudly about at lunch so that he’ll overhear — but he can’t help but be happy that this is all working.

“I’ve never seen Gen so jealous about someone in my life,” Peter’s friend Gabe says when they sit down for lunch, Gen staring at them like she does every other day. “I swear if looks could kill, you would’ve been dead months ago, Largie,” He laughs, but Lara Jean just blushes and leans into Peter as if this is a totally normal reaction while his arm wraps around her shoulders.

And that’s when she notices Josh, who’s staring at them from across the room.

It’s not wrong to admit the she agreed to do this whole thing not only to help Peter, but to make Josh jealous as well.

He had just broken up with Margot, there was no way in hell Lara Jean could ever date him, and she didn’t even want to talk to him about it. Having her letters sent out was mortifying to begin with, but talking about them with her sister’s ex-boyfriend? She can think of about a million other things that she’d rather do than have that conversation, no matter how many times he attempts to make it happen.

Peter must’ve noticed him staring, too, because he pulls Lara Jean closer and presses his face into her hair, but doesn’t kiss her — which Lara Jean is pretty sure isn’t against their contract — and Josh seems to notice and just sighs, shaking his head and walking the other way.

She almost feels bad for cutting him off like this, but she can’t help but think this is for the best for the both of them. He can move on from the Coveys, and she can let everything that she felt in the past stay there without having to talk about it.

—

“Why don’t you stay for dinner, Peter?” Dr. Covey offers when Peter comes in to return some of Lara Jean’s chemistry notes he had borrowed.

Apparently Peter doesn’t notice Lara Jean’s frantic reaction to decline the offer her father set out without consulting her, because he smiles from the other side of the island. “If you’re sure, Dr. Covey,” He smiles, grabbing some of the sides to bring over to the table.

“Of course. We have more than enough food now that Margot is over in Scotland, and it’ll be nice to have another man around,” He smirks, looking between both of his girls as the carry the rest of the dinner over to the table. “You can call me Dan, Peter,” He reminds him, but Peter just nods with no intentions on ever actually calling him by his first name.

Dinner starts off awkward, but Kitty talks about her day at school and how her friends are all vying for the chance to sit next to her at lunch, which makes her happy because they can all take turns just to have the chance to sit with her.

“Sounds like you’re pretty popular at school, Kitty,” Peter remarks, to which Kitty just looks over at him, a knowing look on her face as she shrugs.

“What can I say, Peter? People just love to hang out with me,” She says, but it sounds so dry coming from an 11 year old that he can’t help but laugh out loud.

He glances at Lara Jean, who’s smiling as well. “You should probably dial down the cockiness, Kitty. People aren’t going to want to be your friend if you’re in their face about it.”

Kitty shrugs, swallowing down another piece of chicken before turning back to her. “I don’t know, Lara Jean. Even if they don’t want to be friends anymore, I won Peter over with the Korean yogurt. I’m sure it would work for my friends, too.”

“Hey!” Peter interjects, but he doesn’t really have an argument to it and Lara Jean just laughs, shaking her head. “For the record, I liked you before you let me try your yogurt.”

Kitty just smirks, shaking her head with a knowing smile on her face. “Whatever you say, Peter. But I think we both know the truth.”

Peter laughs at that, shaking his head and letting Kitty continue talking about how great middle school is compared to elementary school.

Peter slots himself into her family so effortlessly that Lara Jean almost dreads thinking about how this will all come to an end soon and Kitty will be devastated.

—

“So,” Peter begins, sliding into the lunch table in the morning before school starts. “Gen has started coming to my lacrosse games. Apparently it’s some weird way to try to win me back when I see her there and not you.”

Lara Jean knows where this is going, immediately shaking her head. “Peter, no. I don’t understand lacrosse, I’m not the most athletic person, and it’s getting cold. You really want me to sit outside at your games for a sport I don’t even know?”

Peter gives his signature pout, the puppy dog eyes that even as friends Lara Jean has a hard time saying no to, leaning his head on his hand. “Please, Lara Jean. I need to make her jealous, and having you come and wear my extra jersey is the perfect way to do it.”

Lara Jean sighs, toying with the napkin from her breakfast. “Fine. But I’m not coming to all of them. This wasn’t part of the original contract,” She argues, but Peter is too happy that she agreed to refute her proposal.

“Fine, whatever, you have a deal,” He smiles, reaching over to hug her. It catches Lara Jean off guard, but after a moment she hugs him back. “I’ll bring my jersey tomorrow. We have a home game on Friday,” He says quickly, tapping the table and going to find his friends before they met up again to walk to homeroom.

The game isn’t all that bad, she made Chris agree to go with her so she didn’t have to sit alone, but Gen had spent most of the first quarter staring at her, the daggers practically digging into the side of Lara Jean’s head as she desperately tried to understand the game. It was useless, every time she thought she understood something else would happen that would confuse her more, but she found herself actually kind of enjoying being there, wearing Peter’s jersey and making some feeble attempts to cheer for him at the suggestion of Chris, who exclaimed that she didn’t understand what kind of relationship it was if Lara Jean wasn’t going to cheer for him.

If she learned anything from the game, it was that Peter was _good_. Not just like it’s a fun hobby for him good, but like, this could actually be something good. It’s not like she had anything to go off of, but the way he seemed to effortlessly fly down the field and score more than a few goals was enough for her to think that maybe this wasn't just some hobby he did after school to hopefully help him get into college.

Until halfway through the third quarter when someone from the other team had caught Peter with his head down, hitting him as he falls hard to the ground and only moves to grab his shoulder. The crowd reacts with some murmurs of concern, the trainers rush out, and Lara Jean sits on the edge of the bleachers with her heart in her mouth because _he hadn’t moved_ and she wasn't entirely sure that he was actually okay.

The trainers help him off the field as Lara Jean watches from the stands, noticing Gen staring at her from the corner of her eye as if this was his fault. She tries to block it out of her mind, but being Peter’s pawn was getting old and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could take Gen staring at her as if she set the world on fire, even though it was kind of satisfying to make someone jealous.

She just. She hates that she wants this to be real.

Peter doesn’t finish the game, understandably, and when it ends and he walks over to the chainlink fence to talk to Lara Jean, she can see the pain written on his face. “The trainers want me to go get x-rays and evidently my mom agrees, so I can’t drive you home. I’m really sorry,” He says quickly before she has a chance to ask anything, his shoulder wrapped in ice while he carries his pads back to the locker room.

Lara Jean just shakes her head, furrowing her eyebrows in concern. “You did get hit really hard. You okay?” She asks, but it feels like there’s something more behind it and judging by Peter’s face he seems to agree.

“I get hit all the time. It was just awkward this time, you know?” He says, trying to play it off like everyone is blowing this out of proportion, but Lara Jean can tell it’s bothering him. “I’ll text you when I’m home, okay? I’m fine, Covey. No need to be worried over me.” He’s smiling this time, but Lara Jean can’t shake the feeling that this is just some huge front he’s putting up.

She nods anyway, resting her hands on top of his over the fence. “Okay, fine. But don’t forget to text me, Kavinsky,” She smirks, which makes him laugh as he nods, awkwardly leaning down to hug her over the fence before he follows his teams back to the locker room.

“You know, I know I was the one who couldn’t believe that you and Kavinsky are dating, but I’m glad you are. It’s making my cousin jealous and you two are super cute,” Chris says when she walks up behind Lara Jean after Peter walks away, but Lara Jean just rolls her eyes and follows Chris back to her car, ignoring Gen standing at the top of the bleachers after having watched the whole conversation.

*

Peter does text her later that night, saying that he’s home and he’s _fine_ and he’s only going to be out of lacrosse for a week or two as long as the doctor says he’s fine to play when he goes back in a few days.

Lara Jean texts something back about how she’s glad he’s okay and that he won’t be out long, and then walks into the kitchen where her dad was emptying the dishwasher. “I’m going to go to Peter’s for a little bit,” She announces, rolling onto the side of her foot as she looks at him confidently. “He got hurt in his game and I thought I’d go cheer him up.”

She doesn’t realize how bad that sounds until it’s out of her mouth and her dad is raising his eyebrows while he looks at her over his shoulder, but he nods anyway, shutting the cabinet. “Be home by midnight. And LJ,” He pauses, waiting until his daughter looks up from where she’s putting on her shoes, “No funny business.”

Lara Jean nods, holding her hands up as if to say she totally agrees, grabbing the keys off the ring and walking out to her car.

She hates driving, always has really, but ever since Margot left she’s been making the effort to do it more. Whether driving Kitty to her friends house or stopping at the store for her dad, she was trying to get more confident. It just hadn’t always been going well.

She stops at the Corner Cafe and gets a chocolate milkshake and a Cherry Coke to go, running across the street to the drugstore to grab a bag of Kit-Kats — Peter’s favorite — before she makes her way to Peter’s house.

His mom answers the door, a smile on her face as she ushers Lara Jean inside, letting her toe her shoes off by the doorway. “He’s on the sofa feeling sorry for himself,” She says quietly. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

Lara Jean nods, following her through the house back to where she could just see Peter’s head, his feet propped up on the coffee table.

She walks around the side of the sofa, noticing the sling on his left arm and the pillows surrounding him to keep him comfortable, suddenly realizing that he was just trying to act like he was okay.

“I thought you said you were fine,” She says, breaking the silence as Peter jumps, wincing as he turns to look at her.

“What the hell, Covey?!” He says, but he’s not mad and he instead just pushes himself slowly to sit up more. “You didn’t have to come over, I said I’d be fine.”

“Okay,” Lara Jean shrugs, still holding the gifts in her hand. “So I’ll just take your chocolate milkshake and the Kit-Kats I stopped and bought you and go home then. I’m sure Kitty will appreciate them.”

“Wait, you really brought those for me?” He asks, reaching out his right hand to take the milkshake from her as she sits down on the sofa next to him. “And you drove yourself?”

“You’re pushing it, Kavinsky,” She warns, a wry smile on her face as she pulls the bag of Kit-Kats out and opens them, handing one to him. “But yes, I did drive here myself. I figured you could use some cheering up.”

Peter thanks her quietly, leaning forward to set his milkshake down as he opened up a Kit-Kat, breaking them and taking a bite. It’s silent for a moment, the only sound coming from the movie Peter had been watching, but it’s not uncomfortable and Peter mostly finds that he’s more grateful than anything that she showed up unannounced when he had been wallowing in pity since they got home.

“I bruised my collarbone,” He says after a beat, reaching forward to take another Kit-Kat from the bag. Lara Jean notices the hospital bracelet on his wrist, a reminder that he probably shouldn’t be reaching like that as she brings the bag closer. “They said it was pretty close to a break, and to top it all off my ribs are pretty bruised. I don’t think I’ve ever been hit that hard in my life.”

“He was a lot bigger than you,” Lara Jean mumbles, picking another Kit-Kat out of the bag for herself.

Peter shrugs, shifting uncomfortably. “I mean, it was mostly my fault. I shouldn’t have had my head down, then I could’ve at least braced myself.” He motions to his milkshake as Lara Jean hands it to him, watching him take a sip. “The doctor said I’d probably be sore for the next few days, but it’s not totally out of the question to play next week.”

“You should really just let it heal,” She tries to insist, but Peter just rolls his eyes.

“You sound like my mom. Owen told me I was being dramatic because a week wasn’t all that long, and my mom said that if she thinks I need to be out longer then she’s keeping me out.”

Lara Jean laughs, leaning back against the cushions. “Do you want to watch a movie? Or I can leave if you want, I just figured you’d want someone other than your mom and Owen to hang out with.”

Peter nods, reaching for the remote and flicking through Netflix until he finds a movie they both had never seen before.

He doesn’t really think about it much, but when he looks to his right and sees Lara Jean curled up on the sofa beside him, he can’t help but feel like he’s falling in love with her.

He’s tried to push those feelings away for most of the last few weeks, remind himself that this is just fake and they’re both doing it to make someone else jealous. He figures there’s probably a slim chance Lara Jean even likes him that way anymore. They’re a lot different than they were in seventh grade when they kissed for the first time.

But then he thinks about all the little things he loves about her, and he can’t help but think that maybe pushing away those feelings isn’t the right idea. Maybe he should just… embrace them. See what happens.

She came over unannounced with a chocolate milkshake and Kit-Kats, offering to stay and watch a movie with him to help him feel better.

She came to his lacrosse game with virtually no questions asked, wore his jersey, and even though he had been running up and down the field, he heard her cheering for him every once in a while.

She’s currently sitting next to him on the couch, and although he doesn’t think she realizes he notices, he’s felt her shift the pillows that his mom had placed around him a few times, probably to make sure he was still comfortable.

But it wasn’t even all of that that made him fall in love. Having a “girlfriend” who cared was great — he can’t see Gen being like this in a million years — but there’s little bits of Lara Jean that he feels like most people don’t get to see, and when he began noticing them he realized that he liked her more than he had intended to.

Like how when she’s stressed or worried she braids her hair incessantly, undoing it and redoing it again until she talk through whatever is bothering her or she gets distracted.

Or when they’re baking together and she goes to crack the egg, her tongue pokes out of the corner of her mouth in concentration.

He loves the way her handwriting always looks perfect when they’re working on homework together, or how she always hums under her breath when she’s copying down math work or notes that she got from someone else.

He doesn’t know how to tell her all of this — or if he even should — but sitting here tonight, despite everything awful that had happened at his game, made him realize that he can no longer push these feelings aside and act like this is just a fake dating agreement.

He likes Lara Jean, and now that he’s admitted it, there’s no going back.

—

“No, no, no, Lara Jean,” Peter says quickly, following her down the hall. “The ski trip was in the contract,” He says in a hushed whisper as Lara Jean pulls him down a side hallway that leads to the auditorium, her eyes widening.

“Peter, why does it matter? I don’t ski anyway, and did you really think we’d still be doing this at this point?” She asks, crossing her arms over her chest. “I mean, why _are_ we still doing this anyway? I think we’ve made Gen sufficiently jealous, and Josh has stopped trying to talk to me about the letters. We both got what we set out to do, what’s the point of continuing this? I’m sure Gen will take you back in time for the ski trip once she hears you’re single.”

Peter’s mouth falls open in shock, but he reaches out and stops Lara Jean from walking away before he even says anything. He thinks about admitting that he doesn’t want Gen anymore, but a side hallway in school when they’re arguing hardly seems like the time or place to do it. He was expecting something a little more… romantic.

“Just come with me, please,” He says, and he’s not above begging to get what he wants. “I promise after that we can break up and this whole thing can be over. But breaking up with you a few weeks before the ski trip? That’ll just make things worse, and Gen is still with that college guy and I’ll have to listen to all of that alone because you won’t be there.”

Lara Jean bites her lip, staring down at the ground between them as she sighs. “Fine, I’ll go. But nothing is happening, and I’m not doing anything else to make this more believable,” She says, looking up at him. “And I’m only coming if Chris comes.”

Peter doesn’t want to admit that he may have been thinking about telling her there how he really felt, and so Chris coming kind of puts a damper on that. But he also knows that no compromising is going to happen with this one, and so he just stares at her for a moment before he nods, taking her hand as they walk back up to the main hallway. “Fine, whatever. I just… I want you to come. And then if you want this to be over, we’ll end it after.”

Lara Jean nods, sliding into her class after a quick goodbye, leaving Peter to walk to his class alone while frantically texting Chris to make sure she doesn’t flake out.

—

Chris hops down from the Covey’s kitchen counter where she had been talking with Dr. Covey, smiling as Lara Jean dropped her things by the front door. “I’ve been waiting for you to get home.”

“You could’ve texted me,” Lara Jean argues, but she glances at her phone and sees that Chris _had_ texted her, multiple times actually, and apologizes quickly. “Peter and I had to pick Kitty and Owen up from school and take them to their friend’s party. She’s there safely by the way, Daddy,” Lara Jean says quickly, peering around her friend to where her dad had been standing in the kitchen.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” He smiles, excusing himself to go upstairs and shower before he had to go into work, leaving the girls alone to talk about whatever it is Chris wanted.

They go over to the sofa, falling down onto the cushions and turning on the TV. “So, want to tell me why your boyfriend has been texting me nonstop about this ski trip?”

Lara Jean groans, rolling her eyes and looking back at her best friend. “I told him I didn’t really want to go.”

“You have to go! Girls don’t just let their boyfriends go on that trip alone.”

“So I’ve heard,” Lara Jean mumbles, but she’s not entirely convinced and she knows she can’t say how this whole thing is fake to Chris, who will end up telling someone by accident.

“Well, the good news is I told him I’d go. But only because you want me to go so bad,” She says, the smile on her face that she knows drives Lara Jean crazy.

Lara Jean groans, falling back dramatically against the pillows. “You were supposed to say that you didn’t want to go so we didn’t have to.”

Chris laughs loudly at that, shaking her head. “Nice try, LJ, but I’m not letting you let your boyfriend go on this ski trip without you being there. Besides, there will be plenty of single boys there for me to be with while you’re off with your lover for the weekend.”

Lara Jean figures she’s probably not going to win this argument, begrudgingly texting Peter to say that she’s going, but she’s definitely _not_ happy about it.

He sends back a million thumbs up and a celebration emoji, and she has to resist the urge to smile.

“I don’t know why you’re so against going,” Chris says quietly, breaking Lara Jean out of her trance. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you this happy. You just seem so… so settled. With Peter. Like he makes you so happy and I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to spend all the time with him that you can, especially on the infamous ski trip.”

Lara Jean opens her mouth to argue, to say that she doesn’t feel like that, she’s not the happiest she’s been with Peter in her life now.

But it’d be a lie. Because she _is_ happy with him in her life, and even though this is all fake and will be over when they’re back from the ski trip, she wishes it wouldn’t be. Because somewhere in the tangled web of this entire mess they had started at the beginning of the school year, she began falling for Peter Kavinsky.

But he would never like her back and so she knows that she needs to spend the ski trip reminding herself that things won’t be like this again. It’s only a fleeting moment, and they’re minutes away from it all being gone.

“That’s why I agreed to come on the ski trip, Lara Jean,” Chris says quietly, her hand reaching out to rest against Lara Jean’s leg. “Because you are so incredibly happy with Peter, and I don’t want you to miss out on a thing just because it’s a little out of your comfort zone.”

“I guess,” Is all she manages to reply to Chris, but there’s a lot left unsaid and so much she wishes she could just come clean with without exposing all of the lies between she and Peter.

—

In the grand scheme of things, the ski trip could’ve gotten off to a better start.

It was a two hour bus ride up to the mountain in which Lara Jean sat with Chris on the bus instead of Peter, despite Peter having saved a seat for her. She gave him a small smile before sitting down, but judging by the way he sunk down in his seat and barely talked to his friends the whole way there, she could tell that he was less than thrilled about the arrangement she thought was doing him a favor.

She had no intentions of skiing, but Chris had suddenly decided that she was going when some guy asked her to come out with her once they had settled into their rooms. And Lara Jean really doesn’t want to deny Chris that fun — she wants one of them to at least enjoy themselves — so instead she takes advantage of the giant fireplace in the lodge and curls up in an oversized leather chair, planning to waste the weekend doing exactly this and touching as little snow as possible.

“Can we talk?” A voice disrupts her from her book, looking up to find Peter staring back at her.

Unable to say no, Lara Jean nods, bookmarking her place and sitting up so she can face Peter, who’s moved to sit in the chair across from her in the corner of the lodge. “Aren’t you supposed to be snowboarding? I saw your friends go out a few minutes ago,” She mumbles, but Peter just nods quickly and holds his hand up, sighing.

“Why didn’t you sit with me on the bus?”

Of all the things Lara Jean thought Peter was going to say, this wasn’t it. “What are you talking about? I thought you would want to sit with your friends. With Gen,” She counters, but it obviously doesn’t sound right because Peter just scoffs and rolls his eyes, leaning back in the chair.

“Do you know how ridiculous it looked? When my girlfriend didn’t sit with me on the bus to the ski trip? That’s a given, Lara Jean!”

“Well I’m sorry I didn’t know that, Peter! I thought I was doing you a favor!”

Clearly frustrated, Peter runs his fingers through his messy hair, shaking his head. “You weren’t, okay? You made things a million times worse because I already said you weren’t going to come out on the slopes with us and then you didn’t sit with us, so of course people think that something is happening between us. And Gen is having a fucking field day with it.”

“Okay, well I’m sorry,” Lara Jean apologizes quickly, but it doesn’t feel like enough and she watches as Peter stands up, turning back to her.

“If you want to come out on the slopes later, just text me. Otherwise I’ll come find you later,” He says, walking off before Lara Jean has a chance to apologize again.

She tries to go back to reading, but too many thoughts are racing through her mind and so eventually she just gives up, setting her book next to her and staring into the flames until her eyes blur and the thoughts of how she hurt Peter stop overtaking her mind.

*

They eat dinner together with Peter’s friends, but it’s kind of tense and Lara Jean doesn’t say much at all, and it’s pretty obvious that things are off. Peter tries to act like things are fine, but things are clearly not and Lara Jean is pretty happy to be able to leave to go back to her room for the night when they’re done eating.

“You’ve spent this whole trip holed up in the lodge or in our room, and if you don’t go and find Peter I guarantee you Gen will, and you’re going to lose your man,” Chris reminds her, standing in the bathroom fixing her hair.

“I don’t even know where he is, and even if I texted him, he’s probably too mad at me to answer,” Lara Jean counters, but it’s really not convincing as Chris just pokes her head out to the room, rolling her eyes.

“Check the hot tub," She says, but her voice says that she knows something Lara Jean doesn’t. “Don’t ask me anything else, just put your shoes and jacket on and go find your man.”

And so Lara Jean does, wrapping her winter coat around her body when she walks out into the chilly mountain air, making her way down the snow covered trail and back to where the hot tub is.

And Peter was sitting there alone, staring out to the mountains with the quiet surrounding him.

“Chris told me I’d find you here,” She speaks into the silence, startling Peter as he turns to look at her, sighing. “Mind if I come sit?”

He shakes his head, watching as she climbs the steps and sits on the edge of the hot tub, dipping her feet in. The silence overtakes them again, but for once it doesn’t feel bad or wrong, it just feels like it’s meant to be. Like maybe they both needed this for a minute.

“I really am sorry about earlier. The whole bus ride and everything," She finally says, crossing her arms over her chest. “I didn’t… I didn’t realize that you would want to sit with me. That you’d want me with you all the time. All your friends are on this trip, I thought maybe you’d want some space. And I thought maybe you’d rather have Gen sit with you. I didn’t want — I thought maybe it would make me look too clingy.”

Peter just laughs, shaking his head. “I know you’re like, super smart, Lara Jean, but you really don’t see what’s right in front of you, do you?” He asks.

Lara jean furrows her eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about this. About us,” He encourages, but judging by the look Lara Jean is giving him it’s pretty obvious that she has no idea what he’s talking about.

“Lara Jean, I like you.”

The words hang in the air for a moment, and Peter almost wishes he didn’t say them. He feels vulnerable now, like there’s a million eyes on him and whatever Lara Jean says will be this big breaking point. He briefly thought about drowning himself in the hot tub, but figures it’s probably not worth it and he’ll just have to deal with the embarrassment.

“Wait, what?” She finally says, breaking the silence as she stares at him. “But this… it’s all been fake.”

"Lara Jean, you can’t be serious,” Peter rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “For someone who is so smart, you really don’t think things through, do you?”

Lara Jean stares at him, letting the silence fill the air once more as she tries desperately to let what he just said sink in, to let herself believe that this wasn’t all some crazy dream that she was going to wake up from in a few minutes and be disappointed about.

“I asked Kitty where to go to find those Korean yogurts you like so much. I bought snacks for us for the bus, and then you went and sat with Chris and I was stuck with Gen, and I just felt like you didn’t want to be with me anymore,” Peter says to fill the silence, twirling his fingers along the water.

“But the Korean market is all the way across town.”

Peter laughs. “It is. So if I’m willing to go all the way across town just to get you something you like, what does that say about how I feel about you?”

Lara Jean _knows_ the answer. She knows what she’s supposed to say, knows that this means that Peter feels the same way about her as she does about him, but instead her brain just can’t bring herself to say it out loud. She can’t bring herself to say the truth in fear that she’s so horribly wrong it’ll just make things worse.

“You must really like the yogurt?” She says instead, a smile on her face.

Peter actually laughs at that, rolling his eyes. “You’re impossible, Covey.”

Lara Jean just laughs, slipping her jacket off and sliding into the water without saying anything. Peter watches her carefully, mumbling something about how she just came in in her nightgown before she’s standing in front of him, a smile on her face.

“Hi,” She whispers, smiling when Peter wraps his arms around her middle, pulling her close to him.

“You’re something else, Covey,” He mumbles, pressing his forehead against hers.

And then before Lara Jean can comprehend what’s going on Peter’s lips press against hers gently and she kisses him back without even a second thought, forgetting about the contract or the fact that this isn’t _real_ and in a few weeks all of this will be over.

Because the boy she’s been falling in love with is finally kissing her, and she imagines that this is exactly the feeling she’s been longing for with a first love for as long as she can remember.

*

The bus ride home goes considerably better than the way there, minus the embarrassing fact that when they step on the bus everyone cheers for them as they walk down the aisle. Peter just laughs as he pulls her into a row to sit down, smiling as she gets settled into her seat.

“They do that with all the couples. Mostly because they think all of them had sex the night before,” He says, resting his hand on her arm when she chokes on her water. “I assured them we didn’t, don’t worry. Not sure if they believe me, but I denied every second of it.”

Lara Jean nods, but the thoughts are racing through her mind and it doesn’t make it any better when Gen glares at them as she walks down to find a place to sit, clearly realizing that something is going on between them.

“Hey, I’m really tired. Can I use you as a pillow?” Peter asks, smiling when Lara Jean nods at him, obviously oblivious to everything going on around them as he settled further into his seat, resting his head against her shoulder as everyone packed on to get ready to go home.

Chris smiles as she sits down a few rows ahead of Lara Jean and Peter, sending Lara Jean a text that she wants all the details from the night before when they’re back home, no questions asked.

Lara Jean agrees, sending a quick text back before letting her phone fall to her lap, resting her cheek against the top of Peter’s head, feeling him hum against her shoulder. “Night, Covey,” He whispers, making Lara Jean smile as her fingers brush against his.

He falls asleep not long after, and as the ends of his hair tickle her cheek, Lara Jean spends the bus ride wondering how she’s supposed to fake break up with him in a few weeks after having this experience together.

—

It’s not that Lara Jean is avoiding Peter once they’re back home from the ski trip.

There’s been texts here and there, they still walk in the halls at school together, but anything outside of that has been avoided by saying that she had plans or Kitty needed her to be home for something.

She wanted to see Peter, she was just afraid of what he was going to say when they did finally talk about things.

The plan was always to break up after the ski trip. They had made Josh and Gen sufficiently jealous, the fake relationship had done it’s job, and there was nothing left to do. But now that they had had that night in the hot tub Lara Jean isn’t so sure she’s ready to let go, ready to let these moments pass her by as if they never even happened.

She wants Peter, but she knows that’s not possible.

All her efforts of successfully avoiding Peter come to a screeching halt when there’s a knock on the door, Kitty smiling when she opens the door to find Peter standing there, flowers in his hand.

“Hey, Kitty. Is Lara Jean here?” He asks, and for a moment Lara Jean briefly contemplates leaving through the back door and hoping that he just gives up after that, but then he sees her staring at him and she realizes she can’t get out of this.

So she walks to the front door, moving Kitty away and back inside, and walks out onto the porch to shut the door behind her.

“You’re here to end this, right?” She says before he even has a chance to open his mouth. “We went on the ski trip, we made Josh and Gen sufficiently jealous, and now I’m sure Gen will take you back. I saw you going to her room the other night once we got out of the hot tub, I saw the way you two looked at each other in school the other day. I just… I can’t keep being your pawn. So if you’re here to end this, let’s get it over with before —“

Peter cuts her off, pressing his lips to hers forcefully until she kisses him back, pulling away after a few seconds.

“I’m not here to end this,” He mumbles against her, a smile spreading across his face. “It’s always been you, Lara Jean. You’re the one that I wanted in all of this.”

Lara Jean pulls back, shaking her head quickly. “But I saw you going to Gen’s room the other night.”

“I was going there to end things with her for good. To tell her that I’m never going to want her back, that nothing could change that,” He says quietly.

And then it all begins to make sense.

In the time it took Lara Jean to fall in love with Peter, Peter had fallen in love with her. And somehow, in this scheme to only fake date, they had managed to catch real feelings for each other.

This wasn’t some twisted dream that Lara Jean was going to wake up from and be upset about. This wasn’t some fairytale that would never come true, some moment that she’d wish she could have back at the end of the day. Peter Kavinsky was in love with her, and he had come over with a bouquet of flowers in the middle of Winter just to admit it.

Without giving it a second thought, Lara Jean stands on her tip toes to kiss Peter again, pulling away and smiling immediately.

“I want this to be a thing. I want you, Kavinsky,” She whispers, her hands pressed against his chest.

Peter laughs quietly, using his free hand to pull her closer. “It’s always been you, Covey.”

Lara Jean doesn’t know where this story ends, but for the first time in a long time, she doesn’t care.


End file.
